I met with my Spiritual Director today, which I just love her. She was telling me that I need to pray for surrender in what is going on right now. Surrender that is a very interesting word I asked her for her definition and in true Spiritual Director/Therapist fashion she replied, "what do you think?" Here was my response:
1) It could mean that I just throw my hands up in the air and say the heck with it all.
2) It could mean that I need to hand everything over to God and let God take care of it.
3) It could mean that this is the same meaning as the Al-Anon saying that this is beyond my control.
4) Surrender is that I am a looser and don't waste my time.
After talking these definitions out I would say that 2 and 3 are where my mind should be. Surrender is one of those words that really can mean something terrible or something wonderful. I am such a control freak that to surrender, to me, is about being weak. However, this is not true, there are times in our lives that we really need to hand whatever it is over to God because it is just to large and that we can not control it.
Matthew told me the other day that I need to "live in this moment now and don't worry about the what if of life until it gets here. (Excluding retirement, Ameriprise still kicking in on me) If I worry about the what ifs in life then I can never really enjoy the moment that I am in now.
So to surrender is to just live in the moment now and to love those who I love even more as well as letting come what may in this exciting journey.