Angels...

Today is the feast day of Saint Michael and All Angels.  The sermon at today's liturgy make me sit back and thinking about the angels that have been in my life.  The person who gave the sermon talked about how there were millions of them around him and this made me think of how many really have there been in my life. 

My family, friends, community are all angels to me, especially as they are supporting me through this process.  However, what about those angels that we might not see right away?  When I was in high school I volunteered at the senior center and I used to go with my Godmother and take meals to the home bound.  There was one person that I would love to go and see, we would talk, play cards, and just enjoy each other.  As I remember she was one who challenged me to be more than what I already am.  Unfortunately, I lost contact with her and the last time I saw her she was in a nursing home, but I know that when we were together and even now that I do not know where she is that she was an angel to me. 

I think that an angel is a person or a voice that challenges us to grow closer to God while protecting us sometimes from others or even ourselves.  When I start to beat myself up over something or I feel completely overwhelmed I hear the voice of the lady I just talked about and she would say "Jason, now you know you are better than that! You are a child of God." 

So the question I place to you is who are the angels in your life? 

Personally, I want to thank everyone that has been an angel in my life, because it is because of you that I am the person I am today and I could not thank you enough for helping become who I am.  I am also excited to meet new angels down the road, because no matter how old you are angels are always praying for you and loving you.

Peace,
Jason Lucas

Grace

Every time I think of the work Grace my mind goes to the National Lampoons Christmas Vacation movie where they ask the elderly aunt to say grace.  The aunt replies, "Grace Died 40 Years Ago!"  I know that this might sound silly but for me I think that there might be times when I feel that grace has died for me.

I have been at seminary now for a month and there have been times where I felt that grace is not there.  I have felt lonely, scared, frustrated and at times down right stupid; but during those times I am finding there are people around me to minister to me.  This is where grace comes in.  I know that without grace this adventure would not be possible and that I would crash and burn rather quickly; but thanks to all the prayers and grace I am so far so good.

I have worked in a church setting for over 12 years and there is something that is really interesting for me, I am wonderful at ministering to others when they need to be ministered to however, it is so difficult for me to get ministered to.  I sometimes feel that I am needed to be perfect and that I am not going to make mistakes while I am here and during my ministry and I always felt that if I made a mistake it was a disaster and that everything was going to crumble.  This however, is not true, rather it is what have I learned from this mistake and how am I going to use this in the future. Again, this learning and understanding that making mistakes is a normal thing is an example of grace.

I am sitting in my room right now in the terrible heat (who ever said that Berkeley was cold was not telling the truth) with a hot water bottle on my back that I threw out today.  I still had to go to class and to be present in class so I carried the hot water bottle with me everywhere I went and I was able to sit in class and be present without my back hurting too much.  Again, this is grace!

God's grace is something that I always pray for all those in my life, the grace to love each other and the grace to love God.

Peace,

Jason Lucas

Routine

Now that I am about to finish my second week of classes the routine is really starting to kick in.  I really did not realize how important a routine was in my life.  I would go through my days in the secular world and it was just how it was.  I would take the bus, go to work, come home, do homework, go to bed and then start the whole process over again the next day. 

Going for having a regular routine to one where classes are one certain days at certain times as well as having chapel life really was hard for me to get into the habit of doing it.   Now however, I really am finding that I have a routine that is starting to take over and that it will need to be reviewed from time to time but for the most part it is going pretty well.  The chapel needed someone to come and open the chapel each morning at 7:00, I always loved doing morning prayer but I preferred morning prayer to be around 9:00 or 10:00, unfortunately that was not the case.  So I decided that I would take on the job, this made me accountable to be there every morning.  So now I get to wake up (some days easier than the others) and open the chapel.  Luckily my commute to my "job" is walking out of my dorm building across the courtyard and to the chapel approximately 57 seconds unless there is traffic.  Traffic is usually someone out walking their dog and of course I need to give them petting.  After I open the chapel, I get about 15-20 min to sit back and work on contemplative prayer.  Many of you know that me being quiet is not one of my gifts but at this time of the morning it forces me to work on praying and being quite. 

I also have a work study job, I am working at the front desk of the school.  It is really fun to be back in my "admin" role that I loved so much when I was working at Ameriprise.  I get to be back in the "corporate" world again and I think that I really enjoy that.  Now I have not started e-mail bingo here at Berkeley but I am sure that it might happen one of these days :-)

Homework is something that I thought I would do OK but here I really got the wake up call that here I need to keep in front of my homework.  I don't think that I have had so much reading ever in my life.  I will admit that there are things that I don't understand or just don't get but the faculty here are really awesome and will help you work through it.  I know that this evening I am headed back to my room after evening prayer and dinner locking my room and then hitting the books and not coming out until it is done. 

Life in a dorm is a really interesting thing.  I have made my little place at CDSP pretty cozy, I have my TV (this was not negotiable) but no cable but I really enjoy the space.  I really is hard to walk in my door and not have two little pugs running all over the place so excited to see me.  I have two stuffed pugs and they really could care less that I am there or not.  The people of the dorm however are just wonderful.  It is this little community that really looks out for each other.  This makes being away from my community in Minnesota hurt less.  I will say that I do miss having my own bathroom or having to get up in the middle of the night get dressed and then go to the bathroom is starting to get a little old but oh well.

I got a letter the other day from Sandy Puckett who is a member of my parish back home.  I was so excited to see something from home from someone I knew.  I don't know what it is but I always think that getting a handwritten letter is so wonderful.  The letter she sent me was wonderful, and I loved it very much.  When there are times I am starting to get lonely I pull the letter out as well as other cards that I have received from people (which I love just as much) and instantly I am back home in Minnesota.  Know I would love to send a hand written letter to all of you but God has blessed me with many gifts but good handwriting is not one of them.  Based off of my handwriting you would think that I should be in Med School or that I just finished a class in Hieroglyphics.  But I am working on it, I got a kit that will help me to learn calligraphy so hopefully soon I will be back in the legible writing game.

Finally, I want to share with you a link that I just thought was so cute.  I was in my Old Testament class and the professor said if we can explain a story like this little girl did about John the Baptist then we were golden.  I hope you enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgEtHJtCY6Q

I miss all of you so much!! Thank you so much for your love and support!!



Peace,


Jason Lucas

One week of Class done many more to go....

Well I have finished my first week of classes and even finished my first paper, there is a lot to learn.  I spent the week sitting in classes and looking over the syllabus for each class and wondering how am I going to get it all done.  I think that the best I can do is to get my routine down.  Having this routine will help me to be sure that I am going to get everything done the best I can. 

This past week Matthew and I also celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary.  I thought that I was going to be doing ok with it becuae I was busy all day long, I had classes, I had community night.  However, it finally hit me that he was not with me and that we were spending the anniversary alone. Last night I was talking with my grandmother and she asked me, "are you doing what you want to be doing?  Are you happy?"  My answers to each of these questions was YES!  I do feel that this is what God is calling me to as well as this is what I need to be doing to be able continue to discern God's call.

This weekend the first year class went on our class retreat.  This was a wonderful time, it was at the St. Dorthy's retreat center in California.  We spent time in prayer as well as relaxing and it was such a beautiful place.  While I was there we created these things call Mandalas (not sure about the spelling) where we created artistic representations about our journey to where we are now. First I realized that Mrs. Hight was correct that there are some people that can do arts and crafts and that I was not one of them.  This helped me to be remember that this journey really has helped me grow.  The picture of it is below.  This shows that I have really grown from a small plant in the center to this wonderful flower.  My heart has grown so much, this process has streatched me and has helped me to grow.  I know that the stretching is going to continue but I am really starting to see how much I really have grown and become a new person.

Well that is it for now....more to come!

Peace,
Jason Lucas

Time to start the study party.....

Well the orientation week has been completed and the Labor Day weekend is coming to an end, this means it is time for school to get going.  I have my books, my class schedule, my computer, and my desire to hit the road running.  This has been what I have been wanting for years yet there is a part of me that is a little sad.  It has really hit me this weekend that I am not at summer camp but that I am really here in California and Matthew is in Minnesota. 

The good news is that I learned about this wonderful thing called reading week and I get to come back to Minnesota for a week in October!!! I am so excited!  I will say that this time has made me really pay attention to what is important in my life as well as my identity as an Episcopalian.  There is the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and I will say that this is completely true.  The more time (I know it has only been a week but it feels like 10 years) I am way from Matthew I am coming to a new place in how much I really appreciate and love him.  Simple things like when I had to go to the doctor and he was not there, I sat in the doctors office and started to tear up because when I got home I knew that Matthew would not be there. 

I have also had the opportunity to attend services at a very High Anglo-Catholic Church and a very Progressive Church.  Each of these services have shown me the things that I really love about liturgy and what are those things that help me get closer to God, and feed my soul.  My Bishop has given me the challenge to attend as many churches as I can during my first year.  I thought that this was to find the church that I want to do my field education but it is also going to help me to get a clearer picture of what I am not as a potential priest but as an Episcopalian.  I will also get this during my education here; CDSP is apart of the Graduate Theological Union, which is comprised of many different faiths who house their schools here.  I have the ability to take classes at different schools; I thought at first that I would only take classes from the Episcopal seminary because I am an Episcopalian but I have come to the thought that if I take classes from other denominations it will help me to root my "Episcopal Identity" by seeing those things that will challenge my thinking and my philosophy and theology.  I think this is what seminary is about not only to train people to become leaders in the church but also the ability for people to find their identity not only within themselves but their religious identity.

So as I start classes I want to end my post for today with a few thoughts:

• I am entering this journey not alone, I have a wonderful husband as well as a wonderful family and community.  I would not be able to do this without your prayers and support.
• I am asking for your prayers for Grandma Joyce as she is having surgery on Thursday.
• I ask your prayers for each other that what ever we need in our lives we will get it.  
• Never be afraid to continully evaluate who we are and what our identity is; if we continue to look ourselves we will never stop growing.

I might not be posting as much as I usually do becuase I need to get my schedule and routine in order.

Thank you all again for your love and support.  Please know that you are all in my prayers!

Peace,

Jason Lucas