Today was my last day at work, the day seemed to be very surreal. I went about my day and I walked out of the office and I felt at peace. I am not saying that I did not like my job, in fact I really liked this department I was working in as well as my new boss. However, when I walked out I thought I would be in tears and upset that I am saying good bye but rather than saying good bye I said, I will see you soon. It is true that I am leaving MN for CA but this is not my home, this is not where my family, friends, and heart are, rather they are here in Minnesota.
If God willing, I am ordained a priest I understand that this means that Matthew and I will move around but I think that this will open us up to a world of new people and loved ones. Right now I am the one leaving and Matthew is staying. Being ordained does not mean that I am restricted only to Minnesota, I can work in any Episcopal Church it is all about where God is calling me.
Tomorrow, Matthew and our friends Patty and Terry are throwing me a going away party. Again, I will be saying "see you soon" to more people and there will be times where it will hurt but this is why I have friends and loved ones to support me during this time.
When I got the blessing (pardon the pun) from the Diocese that I could move forward and head off to seminary I thought to myself that I have a wonderful supportive network around me what am I going to do if I leave and then I am by myself in CA. This is in my opinion is when prayer is called for, no matter the distance I know that people will be praying for me and I will be praying for them. Prayer does not have a distance limit it goes where it is needed.
I also know that I will be joining a new community, in this community I will meet new friends and peers and with all of us being in the same "boat" we can understand more about what they or I are feeling and how we can best support each other. I know that there will be times when it is lonely but I know that I have a wonderful community here in Minnesota, Arizona and soon California that will be offering me up in prayer.
Every morning I do morning and evening prayer in my commute to work. I have this small booked called Pocket Prayers for the Commuter. It is an abridged version of morning and evening prayer. Each day it gives you a prayer a reading a meditation and then a closing prayer. These past few days I have been having such a hard time praying because when I would my mind would wonder. That is until this morning, I reached the opening prayer and this is what I read, "Lord Jesus Christ when I pray please accept my words, my silence, my confusion, and my questions as my prayer, and then guide me so that my prayer may be more like yours."
I sat in wonder as I read this prayer, I did not even get to do the entire "standard" prayers and readings. I always knew that any time I can pray to God however, the prayer does not have to be structured. I find that if I am not following a "formatted" prayer then I am no good at. Right now there is so much in my mind that my confusion, fear, sadness, and joy are all prayers to God because as long as we are keeping our minds and hearts open to what God is calling us to then we will be at peace with those things that at times are tough but that with prayer and our support networks they make them a little easier.