Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Speak Lord for your Servant is Listening...

Hi everyone, I am so sorry that I have not put up a new post in quite sometime.  It has been a crazy few weeks since my last post.  First I was able to head back to Minnesota for some wonderful time with Matthew as well as being able to see friends and family.  While I was in MN I also had my interviews for my CPE this summer.  CPE is in essence a chaplaincy internship at a hospital.  I was told that the spaces fill up really quickly so I should get on this right away.  I was able to meet with three hospitals and  I was able to get offers at each one.  After some prayer and discussion with others I decided to pick the CPE program at United Hospital in St. Paul.

While I was in the interviews I told the story about how when I was a kid I used to run around the house screaming "GIVE TILL IT HURTS!!!"  I thought it was just funny, but one of the interviewers said to me, Jason it is interesting that you put this in here because of what you are sharing with us seems to me that you have continued to give to God even in those times that hurt greatly.  This really stopped me and made me think about what had been going on in my life and the influence that it has had on my life to help me become who I am. 

After I returned back to California I hit the books again, school has become challenging at times mostly because I am having a great difficulty in writing in this style of writing.  Going to business school the writing we did was completey different than what is happening here.  I have been so blessed though to have a great academic adviser that is helping me to work on this skill to become a better writer. 

This challenge though presented me with a great deal of drain on my self-esteem.  I had always been proud of the fact that I excelled at most of what I did for undergraduate school and now I was being told that my writing was just not good at all and needed alot of work.  I felt that I was dumb, not teachable, and downright embarrassed.  It has been a hard couple of days as I start working on the plan to fix this situation as well as giving myself a break.  There have been times where I worry about being able to do the work but I know that God and the community have seen a call in me and that is why I am here to explore that call.  I know I can do the work I know that it is going to be a little harder than what I was expecting. 

I know that this post seems very broad and I am sorry for the delay I am going to try to be more diligent about writing.

I ask that you please pray for me as I continue this road that I might improve my writing as well as help me to be able to be the person that God is calling me to be.


Jason Lucas