Have you ever wondered why things happen in your life when they do? As I have started this semester and now a few weeks into it, I sometimes ask the question of why do certain things happen to others and to me in this part of our lives? Well from what I have learned and prayed about the answer is a clear, "I have no idea." I think I have a few assumptions but not sure.
Here they go:
1) It will hep you grow. True it will help me to grow as a person and to be a better human being, or a better student, a better husband or whatever it will help me grow.
2) It just is what it is. As much as I do not like this assumption I have to say that this is where I tend to see a much better answer for me. There are sometimes in our lives where things happen just because they happened. This does not mean I am being punish or cursed but it just needed to happen.
3) To test me. This is the one that I really do not put much weight into. I don't feel like Lot where I am being tested to prove my love for God. Rather the opposite is true.
Now you are probably reading this asking, "Jason what the heck is going on in your mind right now?" Well to fill you in I have started my second semester of seminary and in some ways the polish has started to dull. The second semester you do not get to pick an elected and the "newness" of seminary starts to diminish. This is not to say that I am not happy but rather it is a different feeling. I will also admit that the loneliness is starting to really hit home this semester. Being way from Matthew and the animals really has been hard.
These past few weeks I have been asking myself, "what do I want to get out of Seminary?" Going to seminary I thought I was going to come out a priest and that is it. I will have to say that it is my job in seminary to be a better Christian who feels that God is calling me to be a priest. In seminary there are many challenges that one faces, budgeting time, homework, reading, chapel obligations, field ed, community life, and in my case writing. Each of these challenges brings me into a better place in my life. The challenge of budgeting my time is a valuable skill that I will need for the rest of my life. Homework and reading keep telling me that I never can stop learning, rather I must strive to learn more and more each day. Chapel obligations, for me this is where I have most fun. To come into worship to spend time in prayer with God and my peers is an experience that I love more and more each day. This for me feeds my soul to give me the drive to stay another day in the service of God and the Church. As some of you know I open the chapel 4 days of out 5 here at the seminary and I usually get about 15-20 min alone in the chapel before people show up for morning prayer. It is in this time that I have my talks with God. We talk about things that are on my mind, the happy, sad, good and ugly. As much as I would love to sleep in each day, being able to open the chapel and have that time with God is so valuable to me. Community life is something that we get here in the seminary in droves. As with any community we are a family, that means we are a FAMILY, we celebrate our lives together, be there for each other and sometimes argue with each other. This does not mean we do not love each other but rather we want to learn from each other, even though sometimes we completely disagree.
This past couple of weeks have been really interesting for me, I have been in a more quiet space in my life. I tend to be quite in many aspects of my life with many of you know is very difficult for me to do. I think that right now I am needing to sort many things out and that this quiet time will help me to get a better grasp on what I need to be doing.
Finally, I wanted to tell you about a wonderful gift that I got today. One of my fellow students was talking to me and I was telling her how much I had been missing home, Matthew and the dogs, and today I got in the mail a wonderful package with a Port-A-Pug kit (Picture Below). It was so wonderful that I started to tear up. This act made me feel loved and listened to. I am so appreciative for her, this gift helped me to brighten up my day.
I am so thankful for the ability to be here and even though the challenges God continues to bless me and I hope that he will bless you as well.
You are all in my prayers.